As humans, we live in duality ie. good/bad; right/wrong; left/right; light/dark; masculine/feminine. These dualities are constant and extremes to each other. While sometimes we are at one end (extreme) or the other of a duality spectrum, often we are somewhere moving along the continuum. It is the dance between the masculine and feminine duality which interests me, especially in regards to clients presenting with one-sided issues.

We, as humans, are both feminine & masculine energies. The balance between the two varies, often depending on what we are doing and what our perceived roles are. Our world, right now, is very much based in the masculine. For the most part, we live in a male-dominated patriarchal society. This means that traits such as success, wealth, empire building, climbing corporate ladders, excelling in tangibles (sports, business, finances) are to be admired and emulated. Our worth is tied up in the tangible aspects easily measured and compared. These tangible traits are especially coveted in men. Women are often encouraged to strive towards the same goals as men, and to hold the same ideals. This is detrimental to society because it minimises the importance of the masculine and feminine roles in our relationships, and our communities, by implying one aspect is more important, or better, than the other.

The balance of energy in the world is shifting. We are moving into the feminine being the dominant energy, while the masculine energy moves along side to hold the space, and support, what the feminine energy offers. Feminine aspects are intangibles such as intuition, empathy, creating community and connection, flow, opening space, being, vulnerability.

The shift from the masculine (or mental) to the feminine (or emotional),  means that traits such as kindness and empathy and compassion and opening space so others can live in their truth, authenticity and integrity will be the traits of ‘success’. It doesn’t mean the masculine aspect is diminished. Quite the contrary. It is movement towards an equal partnership where the energies of each are celebrated and appreciated instead of vilified and disparaged. The dance between the masculine and the feminine goes something like this: The masculine is the building or house; and the feminine is the interior of that house. A man works for, and provides a house (tangible) and a woman fills it with love and warmth and belonging (intangible). The two energies are equal but different and work together to provide and create a home. Our male/female relationships should be a dance of weaving the two energies together and allowing, and encouraging, each to stand in its power.

I've been having trouble with my knees lately. This isn't anything new. But the degree of how unstable they have become is scaring me. I have never been able to trust my left knee. (And no, the symbolism of being able to move forward into the feminine is not lost on me.) This comes from a childhood of knee dislocations which would have me wandering along quite nicely one second and then crumpled on the ground the next. These scenes were awkward, and painful, to say the least.

I had surgery on my knee when I was 14. And although my knee has not dislocated since, I have never fully trusted that it wouldn't. I am still realising how much this fear has impacted me in my life. I am hesitant to cross roads, I am extra careful around furniture at knee height (not wanting to inadvertently knock my knee cap out of place, like what happened in drafting class when I was 13). But I've always been okay with just plain walking. And I am very thankful for that. Because walking has always been one way for me to process and to ground. When all else fails, a walk helps.

So it is to a new level of fear that I have come into lately as walking has become increasingly difficult. I don't trust my knee any more to support me. I feel like I am going to topple over backwards and this leads to great jerky moves of my whole body. It's really quite freaky. It's like a startle response without the actual startle. I no longer trust in the fluidity of my movement. In short, I feel like my knee is lacking in integrity.

Which is interesting because this week's Ocean Oracle card is Rosa Rugusa - INTEGRITY. The card, story and message can be read here but what I find interesting is that I am trying to walk a path - walk MY path. And I no longer trust it. And while I know there is something physically wrong with my knee, I can't help but wonder at the metaphysical stuff around it: according to Louise L. Hay's 'Heal Your Body', knees 'represents changes in direction in life and the ease of these movements'; left symbolises the feminine. I remembered today that these jerky movements started a couple of years ago. As I was contemplating the transition from permanent state government job to self-employed healer, I used to walk in the park near my office. It was on these walks that I started to feel unsteady. Now I have transitioned so far into the healing side of things that I forget I was ever an extension horticulturalist. But lately I have been having trouble trusting the process. And although on most levels I feel completely supported, in a couple of ways I feel completely unsupported. It's as if my physical knee is reflecting my internal walk. So as I walk further along my path, in my truth and integrity, I am being challenged by all manner of things which currently seem to manifesting as a dodgy knee. I've got choices up ahead. The path is not only in one direction or even one path. I know I need to keep moving forward, even when that movement is awkward and scary and uncomfortable. And even if my knee is lacking integrity, that doesn't need to reflect the integrity of my choices. In gratitude.